Start by touching your partner
The simplest act can profoundly change how you feel. Intimacy between couples can wither with time, because we get lost in everyday chores and don’t make time for one another. Look in to each other’s eyes and don’t wait until you feel like doing it. The feelings will follow. Many coupoles often feel, that the intimacy and that initially feeling of being in love, decreases after being together for a while. How can we regain those butterflies in our stomach?
Feelings often follow actions, is part of a growing body of evidence across a range of important human experiences. My Facebook post on the research by Amy Cuddy, offers the thesis that basically two minutes of standing in a more powerful position can alter our brain. Most people tend to think that our personality, attitude or emotions are the driving force behind our addressing issues in a particular way, however, Dr. Cuddy’s offers up a thesis that first we act then we feel.
Arthur Aron did similar research, testing out the idea on feelings of love. He asked couples of men and women to sit down with one another and take turns answering a series of ever more revealing questions (e.g., when did you last cry with someone? and share an embarrassing moment in your life.) Then he instructed them to gaze silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes. Amazingly, when they described their experience, many reported feeling “deeply attracted”. So powerful were the effects that one couple fell in love and married. So acting in love led to feeling in love. Building intimacy between couples involves closeness and vulnerability.
Our actions profoundly influence feelings of love and attraction across the life span. Engaging in new activities together, like physically challenging sports, sharing important emotional experiences, such as embarrassing, joyful, or sad childhood memories, taking opportunities to touch one another all seem to inspire loving passionate feelings and bring couples closer to one another.
Many of these actions mimic our behavior when we are falling in love. So, the same way a power pose can build our confidence, intentionally engaging in loving, passionate behaviors appears to spark romantic excitement. New and exciting experiences cause the brain to release dopamine which rewards our brain. All that dopamine makes us want to come back for more and we end up craving our partners.