Love, Happiness and Togetherness – The Attainable Goals
When we see happy couples together, we may ask ourselves, “What is their secret?” Couples that are happy together may not have any monumental secrets to their success, but they do have habits and practices that ensure a lasting and happy relationship. Here are the first 5 not so secret habits of happy couples:
- Positive Interaction- This is a key component to any lasting union. Happy couples Have everyday interactions that are positive, meaning that they do small positive gestures that over time often have a tremendous influence in creating a happy relationship and can make a major difference.
It takes just as much effort to form a bad habit as it does to form a good habit. In my Los Angeles couples therapy practice, I offer private couples therapy where I work with couples and teach them how to form good relationship habits as well as how to toss the bad ones out.
2. Emotional Bank Account- Is the level of good will built up between the couple. Think of it as a bank account with deposits and withdrawals. We all do things that are thoughtless or insensitive to people we love. When there is a reservoir of goodwill or “emotional savings” in the account the relationship is more able to recover from the momentary irritability or temporary emotional distance.
3. Communication- Happy couples have the understanding that just communicating is not enough. One of the biggest keys to a successful relationships is understanding that it is not what you say so much that matters but how you say it. Many times your partner may not be able to hear the very valid point that your are trying to make because of the way you are delivering the message.
4. Repair- Conflicts are a natural part of every relationship, however, successful couples know that it is important to practice forgiveness and don’t waste time trying to lay blame. One of the most important components of repair is knowing when to put on the brakes and take responsibility for part of the problem.
In couples therapy sharing funny memories can often serve as a reminder of all the couple has been through together, strengthening their resolve to regain that spark.
5. Turn Towards- When your partner makes a bid for your attention you have three choices: you can turn towards, turn away or turn against. Happy couples most often turn towards one another meaning they have a positive response such helping with house hold chores, doing something the partner would appreciate, or suggesting a movie he/she would like.
There are tons things that can be classified as habits of happy couples. The overall message is to be mindful of your relationship and to not take it for granted. Like a beautiful garden that comes back each year, a relationship needs to be cultivated and cared for. The overarching theme here is, that you are aware of your partner’s underlying feelings and dreams.
There are many more “secrets” to come, so follow our blog to and look for part 2 of “Secrets of Happy Couples” coming soon.
Are you communicating like a happy couple? If you think you and your partner could benefit from couples therapy and you live in the Los Angeles area, please contact me to arrange for an appointment. I offer private therapy sessions and a group couples therapy workshop. It’s never too late for love.
Based on Research at the Gottman institute.