Are Dating Choices Narrowing for Women or is it Just a Sign of Changing Times?
Dating Men with Class
When it comes to dating and the modern woman, there seems to be two major classes of men for them to choose from: The men they’re biologically attracted to and the men who they are culturally attracted to. It all seems so simple, right? So why are women frustrated with dating?
Many women in the dating world say that they are often put in a position where they have to choose between “the bad boy” and “the safe guy.” Is there a happy medium?
While the “bad boy” may stir passion, he often lacks what’s needed for a committed relationship; and while the “safe guy” provides the stability and maturity needed in a lasting relationship he may not always stir the passion that a riskier, bad-boy encounter might. The part that’s got women so frustrated when it comes to dating is when they want the excitement and passion while also wanting the confidence of being in a good dating relationship.
A lot has changed since the days when our grandmothers or even mothers met Mr. Right, got married, had kids and live “happily” ever after.
In a strange turn of events, roles have in some ways changed. By embracing the sexual revolution of the 1960s the mindset of the hunter-gatherer has changed. As women became more independent and equal as a result, the unfortunate price was losing the hunter.
In my Los Angeles therapy practice I often hear women comment on the fact that they’re having trouble meeting emotionally-available men who are also commitment-minded. Women often are attracted to the physically exciting “bad boy” and then try turning him into the “safe guy.” That’s what women find so frustrating with dating.
While women may be fully independent and capable of having a full life on their own, they want the passion and the excitement too. Inevitably they find it in the bad boy. Then they express the desire for it to naturally turn into a relationship, but it doesn’t always turn out that way. But while women may be torn between their biological and their cultural beliefs, is that all that’s going on?
What’s a Woman to Do?
In both my private and couples therapy sessions, I really try to get people to own what they want and to admit it, without feeling shame or feeling like they’re setting the bar too high. If you want to know why women are often frustrated with dating, it’s because they often play down who they are, what they’ve accomplished and even what they’re really looking for in a dating partnership. I say, “Own it.”
This goes back to that whole sexual equality thing. Women who want a relationship sometimes feel that if they show they’re too self-sufficient that it won’t elicit the kind of romantic, knight- in-shining-armor side from their dating partner. I say the more honest we are about who we are and what we’re looking for, the less we’ll be left crying in our coffee when a dating relationship doesn’t work out. If we’re honest and it doesn’t work then we’ll know that it didn’t work because you weren’t incompatible instead of being left saying, “If only I did this (or that) …,” because you can’t just go back and undo what’s already been put out there.
If you’re having trouble relating to the dating scene or you’re just frustrated with dating altogether, I can help you. In this ever-changing world we live in, the rules of dating and the venues upon which we find a date can often be confusing. I can show you how to do it so you get what you’re really looking for in a dating relationship minus the frustration. Let me help you. Visit my Los Angeles or Encino Therapy office for a private, individual session. Learn more about my private sessions here.