Monthly archives: September, 2014

Dating: Easy Tips to Find the Right Partner for You

Getting Science, Common Sense and a Sense of Adventure Working for You

In my earlier posts, “Why are Men Frustrated with Dating?” and “Why are Women Frustrated with Dating?” we explored the opinions and frustrations of both men and women when it comes to finding the right person for dating, partnerships and perhaps more.

Take the Innovative Approach

As Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles, I counsel singles in individual therapy sessions, that are looking for new and innovative ideas on how to meet the right partner. What I tell them is that they’re on the right track by asking these questions – being innovative is the key word. When you’ve been dating one way for a while and it’s not working, it’s time to start thinking about doing things a little differently. Think outside of the box.

Play to Your Strong Points

If you’ve ever watched The Millionaire Matchmaker, Patty Stanger, in action then you know the kind of poignant questions she asks: “What is it you’re looking for in a mate,” “What is the age range you’re looking to date,” “What type of activities or hobbies do you have that you’d like to share with that someone special?” mostly questions that get to the heart of a person – who they are, what they like, what they’re into and what they’re looking for.

I’m not saying that you should bombard someone with questions like Patty on the first date, but I am stressing that asking the important questions gets you the answers you’re looking for. Yes, you’re on a fact finding mission – the mission is to find out if the person you’re dating has potential. Do you have the same likes, the same hobbies, the same goals.

Be Open to Changing What Hasn’t Worked

Another thing that Patty Stanger stresses is getting to know each other before sex. Actually, Patty suggests no sex before monogamy. This, of course, is a personal choice, but if you find yourself sharing the sheets with people you don’t know very well and then finding your relationships often end in disappointment later (when you learn that sex was about all you had in common) – maybe it’s time to think of a new approach. Why not try something different?

I can identify with Patty – we’re both Los Angeles women, and we both want you to find the right relationship for you. I’m not saying that I’m a matchmaker like Patty, but I am really good at helping you identify your relationship goals and I can suggest ways that you can meet and even exceed those goals. I can also help you gain a new perspective on the whole dating scene.

Love is out there waiting for you, and I can help you figure out how to find it. Make an appointment with me; come to my Los Angeles therapy office and let me help find a little relationship bliss.

Why are Men Frustrated With Dating?

Why Most Men Look at Dating as a No-Win Situation

In my post, “Why are Women Frustrated with Dating?” we discussed the way women often like the “bad boy” over the “safe guy.”  This speaks directly to why men are frustrated with dating, and it’s basically because they feel that finding the balance between being the biologically-attractive sexy guy and the socially-coveted safe guy puts them in a no-win situation.

In my therapy practice in Los Angeles I have worked with countless men who tell me that they find dating a frustrating experience. Not unlike their female counterparts, they feel stuck between a rock and a hard place (no pun intended) – the rock being what society and culture tell them to be:  the chivalrous and thoughtful guy – the safe guy, and the hard place being what women instinctively want in a man:  the go-getter, the assertive one – the bad boy.

Good Guy vs. Bad Boy

In my Los Angeles psychotherapy practice I’m often told that dating can feel like a no-win situation.  Men are often put into these two categories – the “bad boy” or the “good guy” with no wiggle room in between.  And often it’s unclear what a woman is looking for in the beginning, but after a few dates things become clearer.

The assertive one (aka the “bad body”) is a total turn-on for some women in the biological sense, but later on they often get labeled as “jerks” when they can’t make a commitment.   Who wants to make a commitment when you’re considered a jerk?

The “safe guy” or the “good guy” who is a more giving and gracious is often seen as weak and easily taken advantage of.   Men I counsel have told me that being the “good guy” to them, means being respectful, polite and engaging, but they often get treated as if those less-assertive qualities are weaknesses.  In many cases they find themselves under-valued in the dating realm and sometimes they are left behind for more exciting and “greener pastures” (aka the exciting “bad boy”).

For men and women both, dating can often be a confusing struggle.  I often tell both the men and women singles that I counsel in my Los Angeles therapy office to find that middle road between and to be open to more than one or two dates to really see what the other person is about.

It is possible to find joy in dating.  And if you’re someone who is frustrated with dating, don’t give up yet.  Let me show you how to bust those labels and stereotypes wide open and find that fulfilling dating experience. Visit my Los Angeles or Encino therapy office for individual therapy sessions. We can get to the source of the problem together.