Why Most Men Look at Dating as a No-Win Situation
In my post, “Why are Women Frustrated with Dating?” we discussed the way women often like the “bad boy” over the “safe guy.” This speaks directly to why men are frustrated with dating, and it’s basically because they feel that finding the balance between being the biologically-attractive sexy guy and the socially-coveted safe guy puts them in a no-win situation.
In my therapy practice in Los Angeles I have worked with countless men who tell me that they find dating a frustrating experience. Not unlike their female counterparts, they feel stuck between a rock and a hard place (no pun intended) – the rock being what society and culture tell them to be: the chivalrous and thoughtful guy – the safe guy, and the hard place being what women instinctively want in a man: the go-getter, the assertive one – the bad boy.
Good Guy vs. Bad Boy
In my Los Angeles psychotherapy practice I’m often told that dating can feel like a no-win situation. Men are often put into these two categories – the “bad boy” or the “good guy” with no wiggle room in between. And often it’s unclear what a woman is looking for in the beginning, but after a few dates things become clearer.
The assertive one (aka the “bad body”) is a total turn-on for some women in the biological sense, but later on they often get labeled as “jerks” when they can’t make a commitment. Who wants to make a commitment when you’re considered a jerk?
The “safe guy” or the “good guy” who is a more giving and gracious is often seen as weak and easily taken advantage of. Men I counsel have told me that being the “good guy” to them, means being respectful, polite and engaging, but they often get treated as if those less-assertive qualities are weaknesses. In many cases they find themselves under-valued in the dating realm and sometimes they are left behind for more exciting and “greener pastures” (aka the exciting “bad boy”).
For men and women both, dating can often be a confusing struggle. I often tell both the men and women singles that I counsel in my Los Angeles therapy office to find that middle road between and to be open to more than one or two dates to really see what the other person is about.
It is possible to find joy in dating. And if you’re someone who is frustrated with dating, don’t give up yet. Let me show you how to bust those labels and stereotypes wide open and find that fulfilling dating experience. Visit my Los Angeles or Encino therapy office for individual therapy sessions. We can get to the source of the problem together.