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How to hack your brain for happiness

How to Hack Your Brain for Happiness

My good friend, Debbie, got divorced 22 years ago after a nasty breakup between her and her ex-husband. He had cheated on her with her brother’s fiance, publicly declared he no longer loved her, then left her, “in a pool of my own tears,” as she described it. The breakup was so sudden, so painful, and so traumatic that she swore off romantic relationships– of any kind, from single dates to long-term partnerships– from that day forward.

“That heartbreak was worse than any joy I ever felt with him, and I can’t look at any part of that marriage without searching for clues that this was his plan all along. When I remember that relationship, all I can think about is that crushing pain he inflicted upon me. I won’t risk it again; it’s not worth it.”

It’s not worth it. Those words stuck with me, as Debbie’s loss aversion, the human tendency to avoid new experiences after experiencing a negative ‘loss’ or event of some sort– a term first coined by Nobel-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman–  was a real life example of the brain’s negativity bias in action.

Evolution in Action – Negativity Bias

Negativity bias– or our brain’s proclivity to accentuate negative stimuli in lieu of positive ones– can seem like a cruel joke initially. Why would the brain favor the bad things of the world over the good, rather than help us lead a life engulfed in good vibrations? Well, because the brain is a product of evolution, and in the cold, unfeeling eyes of evolution, the survival of the species trumps all other concerns.

Consider how our human ancestors lived thousands of years ago, before the dawn of civilization or modern comforts. Unlike today– for most people, at least– our ancestors lived with the genuine threat of death, by countless means, as a constant truth. Life was brutal back then, and to remain alive in a nomadic hunter-gatherer society– with scarce food supplies, lacking shelter, or a stable community to live in– you needed to live with constant vigilance.

The negativity bias may have been critical to surviving in ancestral times, but in a modern society where we aren’t in literal danger at every turn– the shadowy figure in the distance may actually have been a predator 10,000 years ago, whereas today it’s likely an innocuous occurrence– this evolutionarily-derived device can be debilitating.

Even without the ever present danger of imminent death, we all still struggle to overcome the negativity bias in our current world; and that bias drives countless individuals to avoid new experiences or events entirely- just like Debbie.

Overcoming Loss Aversion

Emotional pain can be devastating; in fact, as psychologist Steve Cole discovered, our brain processes emotional pain in the same manner as physical pain. As far as the brain is concerned, then, the grief you feel when your mother passes away is no different from jumping off the roof– on a drunken dare– and snapping your leg.

Given this alongside our negativity bias– and the fact that negative experiences are five times as likely to be stored in our brain’s long-term memory over positive ones– it makes some sense that so many are eager to live a risk-free life within their safe comfort zone. If our brains process and prioritize painful, negative experiences with such prevalence, why take a chance on anything new once you’ve encountered monumental pain?

Because life is for living, and the opportunity to live your life to the fullest is worth the risk. Our brain’s may not prioritize the positive, but you can make a conscious effort to soak in and savor the good times. Our brains are much more flexible than most people realize– thanks to neuroplasticity– and the brain is amenable to change through conscious, concentrated efforts. Some simple, common strategies to overcome your loss aversion:

  1. Talk to Yourself as an Objective Observer – Step outside of your first-person perspective, using your own name– rather than ‘I’– when talking to yourself. This can broaden your perspective, and promotes self-compassion, as we’re much kinder to others than ourselves.
  2. Jump Back to the Future – Imagine yourself in fifty years, and consider which you’ll regret more: taking a chance on something potentially positive and being let down, or skipping out on life’s events entirely– staying home, alone and afraid– because you worried about what might happen?
  3. Practice Meditation, Exercise, and Consistent Sleep – Priming the brain through these three activities will reduce activity in the brain’s primitive emotional centers, such as the amygdala, which is responsible for many of our instinctive, fear-raising reactions.

It may not be instinctual, but a life filled with meaningful joy can be lived if you take effective and proven steps to do so. Overcoming the negativity bias– and reducing your loss aversion– can be accomplished with conscious, consistent efforts. Focus on the positive, take steps to simplify the process for yourself, and step outside your comfort zone; you just might surprise yourself.

If you would like to speak with us further, on this or other topics, please call (310-962-5935) or email (info@farahantherapy.com) to schedule a free 30-minute consultation. We are available to meet virtually, or in-person at our Century City or Sherman Oaks offices.