What do you do when anxiety arises? How does your body feel when those trickling anxious thoughts become a steady flow? Perhaps a sinking pit plunges in your stomach; a heavy pressure begins to squeeze your chest; your heartbeat and pulse start pounding, well above normal; or pins and needles engulf your neck, shoulders, and legs, as a cold sweat develops down your spine.
Needless to say, no one would classify those physical feelings as particularly pleasant, even though they’re a universally present feature of human existence. We all deal with fear, and anyone can find their body’s Sympathetic Nervous System on high alert, kicking in their instinctual fight-flight-freeze responses.
Yet while every single living human experiences anxious feelings, how we think about those feelings– and what, exactly, they compel us to do in reaction to them– varies drastically from person to person. For some, anxious feelings and thoughts may lead to level headed, logical problem solving, while others– like my friend, Debbie, who’s loss aversion I discussed in the last blog– find anxiety unceremoniously hampers their ability to find joy and pleasure in life.
An Old Voice in My Head, Holding Me Back
Thoughts, and the ability to think them in your head, are an immensely valuable, wondrous, and– quite frankly, at times– disastrous, cognitive feature. We are capable of profound intellectual contemplation, and have a mind that, in many ways, has a mind of its own. Perhaps you’ve noticed in your life, but what you think at any given moment isn’t entirely up to you.
Take a moment and picture a polka-dotted, unicycle-riding elephant rolling down the street- and think only about that. Now, once you’ve internally imagined this flamboyant elephant, stop thinking about it and remove the image entirely from your mind. As you likely found, even with your most intensive cognitive focus, you could neither wholly picture the elephant– unable to completely compartmentalize your thought process– or remove the image from your mind- even when you actively tried not thinking about it.
The point is, we have much less control over what we think at any given moment, and when overcome with anxious feelings– releasing a wave of thoughts around danger and despair– this lack of control can be both disorienting and demoralizing. But you aren’t helpless to overcome fearful feelings or anxious thoughts, and you can take steps to ensure they don’t determine your capacity for delight.
Overcoming Anxious Feelings and Thoughts
Whenever the physical sensations of anxiety appear– along with those anxious thoughts that often precipitate or result from the correspondingly identified feelings– it may seem impossible to extricate yourself from the fear. But it’s crucial to remember, especially those times you feel paralyzed with anxiety: emotional feelings are only temporary, your emotions and thoughts can’t hurt you, and you can always shift your perspective when anxious thoughts begin to crop up.
Here are three tried-and-true tips to ensure your anxious thoughts don’t overwhelm your life.
- Remember the 90-Second Rule – The physical sensations surrounding emotions are just a physiological function.. Emotions are designed to urge us to approach or avoid things, and– as discovered by Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor– emotional reactions in the body last only 90 seconds. Even if your anxiety makes you think you will literally die, you can ease the displeasure by reminding yourself it will all be over within a minute-and-a-half.
- Confront Pennywise and Face Your Fear – Just like with the 90-second rule, knowledge is power on your path to happiness, and the reality is that, on their own, emotions and thoughts cannot hurt you. Anxiety may make you believe the end of the world is nigh, but the fact is what you imagine will unfold is generally much worse than the resulting reality. If you’re convinced you’ll never again find love after a painful breakup, you may do everything in your power to avoid that pain (as seen with loss aversion). But is that anxiety about being hurt worse than your feelings of loneliness and isolation? If you’re afraid you’ll die alone and unhappy if you don’t avoid the things you’re anxiously thinking about, but still end up dying alone and unhappy because you avoided living at all costs, is that a better outcome?
- Shift Your Personal Perception – The way we think and feel is, almost entirely, a matter of personal interpretation. If you feel a panicked feeling, do you exclusively turn your attention to that physical sensation and assume your anxiety is justified? A queasy feeling in your stomach could mean you’re about to have a stroke…but it could also mean you’re hungry, or be related to much more mild concern, since the physical sensations of anxiety and excitement are almost identical.
We may not have as much control of what we think moment to moment, but we can choose what aspects we emphasize or how we interpret things. With effort, you can identify the automatic– and often inaccurate– thoughts you think when confronted with anxious feelings, and ameliorate the crippling nature of experiential avoidance (or the tendency to avoid anything negative or unpleasant, from thoughts to feelings to experiences).
Anxious thoughts can feel debilitating, and can lead to a vicious cycle of other anxious thoughts, feelings, and avoidance’s. But, as I’ve mentioned before, life is about living, and while we are wired to feel and focus on negative experiences more than positive ones, we still have the capacity to find happiness and contentment with focus and determination.
If you would like to speak with us further, on this or other topics, please call (310-962-5935) or email (info@farahantherapy.com) to schedule a free 30-minute consultation. We are available to meet virtually, or in-person at our Century City or Sherman Oaks offices.
