Call Us: 310.962.5935

Wired for

Helping you lead a happy and connected life.

Wired for

Helping you lead a happy and connected life.
Man and Woman Sitting on Sidewalk showcasing how anxiety affect relationship.

How Anxiety Affects Relationships (And What You Can Do About It)

We’ve all felt that nervous flutter when we really care about someone—whether it’s a partner, close friend, or family member. But when anxiety digs in and takes over, it becomes more than just a passing feeling. Anxiety can flood our minds with fears, doubts, and worst-case scenarios, making even the healthiest relationships feel fragile. If you’ve ever felt your heart race after a text wasn’t answered quickly enough or found yourself second-guessing every conversation, you’re not alone. Anxiety can take a significant toll on our relationships if left unchecked.

Let’s break down the real ways anxiety can show up in relationships, how it can create emotional roadblocks, and what you can do to manage it. As always, I’m here to offer some personal insights, real-world examples, and practical advice to help you navigate anxiety’s impact on your most important connections.

Signs of Anxiety in Relationships

Anxiety in relationships can manifest in many ways, and you might not even realize it’s happening. Here are some common signs of how anxiety can sneak into your interactions:

  • Overthinking every conversation: Do you replay conversations in your head, worrying you said the wrong thing? That’s anxiety whispering doubts in your ear.
  • Fearing your partner is lying or cheating: Anxiety convinces you that something is wrong, even when there’s no evidence.
  • Pushing people away before they leave you: This is a classic defense mechanism—a way to avoid getting hurt by making the first move.
  • Feeling the need to control how your partner spends their time: Anxiety thrives on control because when you can’t control your emotions, it’s tempting to control your environment.

Does any of this sound familiar? If so, don’t worry. You’re not broken, and your relationship isn’t doomed. Anxiety often shows up in different ways depending on the person, but recognizing the patterns is the first step to managing them.

One of my clients, Sandy, struggled with a similar situation. She found herself feeling jealous whenever her partner spent time with friends. It wasn’t rational, and deep down she knew it, but the fear of being replaced or forgotten would send her into a spiral. Her mind raced with scenarios of them meeting someone better or realizing they didn’t need her anymore. Anxiety took hold of that vulnerable part of her, convincing her that if she wasn’t constantly connected to her partner, something would go wrong. Of course, none of that was true, but it didn’t stop the feelings from flooding in.

Dependence and Avoidance: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Anxiety can cause you to either cling too tightly or push people away. It’s the classic “fight or flight” response playing out in your emotional life.

The Dependent Side

Some people develop an overwhelming need for reassurance and constant communication. You might:

  • Overthink every text, waiting anxiously for a reply
  • Feel indecisive, needing your partner’s input for even the smallest decisions
  • Seek out constant validation, fearing rejection at every turn

It’s like needing your partner to be a life raft in the middle of an emotional storm. But over-dependence can cause strain, making the other person feel like they can never do enough to ease your anxiety. A client of mine, Clark, struggled with this. He needed constant texts and phone calls from his girlfriend, and when she didn’t respond immediately, he spiraled into anxiety, assuming the worst. It wasn’t that his girlfriend didn’t care, she just didn’t realize how deep his fears ran.

The Avoidant Side

On the flip side, anxiety can make some people avoid relationships altogether or distance themselves emotionally. You might:

  • Shut down when conversations get too vulnerable
  • Avoid discussing your feelings out of fear of rejection or judgment
  • Keep people at arm’s length, even though you deeply desire connection

Avoidance feels like a safer option than facing the discomfort of your emotions, but it also creates a barrier to true intimacy. I’ve seen clients like Jenna, who avoided deep connections because she feared getting hurt. She would tell herself she didn’t need anyone, but deep down, she craved closeness. Anxiety convinced her that shutting down was the best way to stay safe.

Controlling Behaviors: Anxiety’s Sneaky Coping Mechanism

Anxiety also loves control. When you’re anxious, controlling your environment and the people around you can feel like a way to manage the stress. You might find yourself:

  • Micromanaging your partner’s schedule or needing to know every detail of their day
  • Becoming critical or judgmental, trying to “fix” things that aren’t really problems
  • Over-planning to ensure nothing goes wrong, or feeling devastated when plans don’t go as expected

Control becomes a way to try and manage uncertainty, but it often leads to resentment and frustration. Let me share another real-world example. One couple I worked with, Jessica and Rob, struggled with this dynamic. Jessica’s anxiety caused her to control how Rob spent his free time, and while Rob loved her deeply, he felt suffocated. Jessica didn’t want to control Rob; she just wanted to feel safe. But her anxiety-driven behaviors were pushing him away.

Breaking the Cycle: How to Manage Anxiety in Relationships

Here’s the good news: Anxiety doesn’t have to dominate your relationships. With the right tools and support, you can create space for trust, open communication, and healthy boundaries. So, how do you do it?

1. Name It to Tame It

Start by acknowledging when anxiety shows up. When your mind starts spinning, pause and say, “This is anxiety talking.” By naming it, you create some distance between yourself and the anxious thoughts.

2. Communicate with Your Partner

Don’t assume your partner knows what you’re feeling. Share your anxieties openly, but in a way that invites understanding, not blame. Instead of saying, “You never pay attention to me,” try, “I’ve been feeling anxious lately, and I could use some reassurance.” It opens the door for connection without putting your partner on the defensive.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for managing anxiety in relationships. Give yourself space to self-regulate instead of relying on constant reassurance. For example, if you find yourself wanting to check your partner’s phone or ask for validation, set a boundary: “I’m going to wait 10 minutes before acting on this feeling.” This helps you build self-trust.

4. Practice Mindfulness

Anxiety lives in the future—fearing what might happen. Mindfulness pulls you back into the present. Whether it’s through meditation, deep breathing, or grounding exercises, mindfulness helps calm your nervous system and brings you back to the here and now.

5. Seek Professional Help

Therapy is an invaluable tool for managing anxiety. At Farahan Therapy & Associates, we specialize in helping individuals and couples navigate the complexities of anxiety and relationships. Whether through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), or mindfulness-based approaches, we’re here to support you on your journey to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

It’s Time to Take Control of Your Anxiety

If anxiety is holding your relationships hostage, it’s time to break free. Don’t wait until it pushes your partner away or leaves you feeling emotionally disconnected. At Farahan Therapy & Associates, we understand how anxiety can impact every aspect of your life—and we’re here to help you reclaim control. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your relationship or seeking support as an individual, we’ll work together to develop personalized strategies that suit your needs.

Take the first step today. Schedule a Free 15 minute consultation with us and let’s start building healthier, anxiety-free relationships together. You deserve connection, love, and peace in your relationships—and we’re here to help you get there.

Scroll to Top